Does anyone else feel like August was here and gone in a blink of an eye? Seriously, I have no idea where the time went. It feels like the month just started and now it’s come and gone? Woah. It feels like, I don’t even know what happened in August. But, here is what I do know. I was happy in August. Like, honest to God, happy.
At the end of July when I wrote my “Life Lately” post, I actually wrote a couple very long paragraphs about how hard things had been and although I was trying to make the best of living in Milwaukee things still hadn’t been easy. I thought a lot about whether or not to post the paragraphs and whether or not to expose how I was truly feeling. In the end, I was afraid to admit that I was having a difficult time.
I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining but the last three months have been intense and much more challenging than I ever imagined. I know I’ve mentioned before that I was homesick and that adjusting to living in Milwaukee has been hard but the emotional toll it took on me was far more than I had ever imagined. I knew it would be difficult I just never expected to be the way it has been. I don’t want to sound pathetic, because honestly, that’s how I’ve felt.
For some reason though, August was different. Nothing changed or shifted at home. And, our routine didn’t adjust much, but after I came back from Des Moines at the beginning of August, I felt better. I felt more settled and for some reason, Milwaukee started to feel more like home. I know I’ve said it felt like home before, but in some ways I was lying, trying to convince myself that it did. August was the first month it really felt normal to be here. It was the first month I wasn’t painfully homesick. It was the first month I felt like I might just be all right.
Finding myself amongst all of this change has been a strange and uncomfortable experience. But, I keep moving forward. I keep looking forward and remind myself that things aren’t going to feel ‘normal’ for a while and that’s okay. Until then, all I can do is try and take it one day at a time. I may struggle, I may be scared and I may doubt myself at times but I cannot let that get in my way.